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May 02, 2005
What Are Your Important Words?
I lost my father when I was very young and missed hearing the words that a boy growing up needs to hear from his dad. One Sunday before Father's Day a few years ago, nearing the anniversary of his death, I missed him especially. Seeking comfort, I found myself writing a letter from ‘'him’’ to me saying some of the things I longed to hear from him -- that he was proud of the person I had grown up to be, that he had loved me very much.
Writing to my father reminded me of the words to a Fats Waller song, ''I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter, And make believe it came from you…'' Penning that letter eased a little of the pain I felt, and spurred me to begin a book of encouraging words to young boys. It is titled 100 Things Guys Need to Know and has just been published by Free Spirit Publishing. (Excerpts can be found in the Discover Words of Encouragement Section of this website.)
You see, I tried to write the book I needed as a boy. I think, now, that in writing the letter I was really reaching back to comfort the lost boy whom I was decades ago. And, I know from experience in working with children over the years that all young people – those with fathers as well as those without – need to hear words that guide them, encourage them and comfort them. None of us ever hears enough of such words.
My own father was not one to write words on paper – in fact the only ones I ever received from him are those he wrote in my autograph book when I graduated from elementary school. He wrote: ‘’I wish I was gifted with words good enough to tell you what a swell boy I have for a son. God Bless You. Love, Daddy.’’
Just 26 words. But they stayed with me all my life.
Now its your turn: Why not share with me and readers of this site the most encouraging words that someone ever said to you -- or the words which you wish someone had said to you in your life? If none come to mind, then what would be the words of encouragement you would offer to a young person in your own life?
Posted by billz at May 2, 2005 10:41 AM
Comments
The encouraging words are all around us, whether we hear them or not. often i find, at the age of 16, that the encouragement i seek from peers lies in their own unspoken thoughts. My parents are full of encouragement, trying to help me excel in school work and in maturing to adulthood. I however find that the words that are offered so genuinely to me to motivate me, often fall short and can even discourage me more than act as 'the wind beneath my wings.' often hearing encouragement from my parents shows me how much i am, in fact, falling short of their expectations. Their words of encouragement are always there for me and i appreciate that more than the words themself. The idea that i will always have someone behind me 100%, no matter how bad my day is going has kept me going my junior year.
Also, i find that in the society that we live in mediocracy is accepted, and striving to be better is no longer looked on as an important part of life. This causes the encouragement to dwindle, and become as unnecessary as striving to be the best you can, without sounding too cliche.
The encouragement that i always find to be the most motivating, as embarrasing as it is to admit, is the encouragement i found on my father's bookshelf, out of a Japanese book on Zen. Here they do not offer encouragement, but instead a simpler way to look at life, which i believe is a dwindling idea which is needed to be reintroduced into our culture. This book generates the idea of just taking every day one step at a time. dont ask what time it is... the time is now. live by each moment and exceed it.. flourish in its possibilities. dont think, 'oh my gosh i have all of this work due this week, a presentation tomorrow morning and right after a meeting about something that will prove unnecassary in the long run.' take everything step by step and appreciate it. This encourages me the most.. it’s the words that no one but a Bhuddhist teacher could speak to calm my soul and keep my feet on the floor.
Posted by: elizabeth at May 6, 2005 05:52 PM
I find meaning in Elizabeth's words, particularly when she talks about trying to live in the present, to take things one step at a time, rather than taking in everything in too large a gulp. But, I also find it hard, at times, to lead a simpler life. To be able to do so fully means that you can find peace within yourself and that is sometimes very hard to achieve in our very fast-paced society. Her remarks make me think, too, of the importance of our need to find the words within ourselves that will encourage and comfort us/bill
Posted by: bill at May 11, 2005 07:09 PM
